Editing flashbacks

No, I'm not having a flashback about editing, although I've been editing a lot recently to resubmit a manuscript for a publisher. Instead, I'm passing on something I've recently learnt. Namely, how to make a flashback less boring!

Here's a flashback from my book 'Bound to Love' before editing (note the number of had's.  I've made them red to illustrate my point.)


Since his father’s death, he had been strong for his mother, who was in danger of falling apart for so many years after his father’s death. Even though she had done her best by bringing him home to her parents, she’d been a fragile, broken shell of the person she once was. His father’s love had given her everything, and his death took everything away from her, leaving her a shadow. His life had changed forever from the moment that his father took the bullet intended for another, and he’d watched, powerless, as his mother cried night after night.

Okay, 6 flashback had's. Its definitely in the past, but is wordy and passive. This is how I edited it...

Since his father’s death, he had been strong for his mother, who was in danger of falling apart for so many years after his father’s death. Even though she did her best by bringing him home to her parents, she was a fragile, broken shell of the person she once was. His father’s love gave her everything, and his death took everything away, leaving her a shadow. His life changed forever from the moment that his father took the bullet intended for another, and he watched, powerless, as his mother cried night after night.

On the advice of an excellent editor (Don McNair, see his upcoming classes. The first in July is at http://www.writersuniv.com/ and the second in September at http://www.writersonlineclasses.com/ )I stripped out 5 of them, and made the paragraph more immediate. Don suggests that if you have a large paragraph of flashback, you can do this and improve the paragraph, what do you guys think? Better?

Kreativ Blog Award!

I'm thrilled to announce that Maisey Yates has nominated me for the Kreativ Blogger Award! I'd like to thank Maisey, and to encourage anyone who hasn't been following her excellent blog to mosey on over and take a look at her inspirational blog.

Apparently I'm supposed to reveal 7 little know facts about myself, so here goes!
1. As well as living in Ireland, I've lived in England, Africa and Singapore.
2. I live in a 245 year old house that's been in my husbands family since it was built.
3. I also write mysteries.
4. I once wanted to be a stuntwoman, before I realised I was both unathletic and a scaredy-cat.
5. I used to run Apple Ireland's training centre.
6. I can't juggle. (Surprised?)
7. I met my husband when I was fifteen.

Now I have to nominate 7 cyberspace friends, whose blogs I admire, so here they are:

1. Lorraine Wilson - a haven of calm and good advice - and funny. That's a given!
2. Alison Wells - a fellow Irish blogger, with lots to say.
3. Joanne Cleary - Romantic and determined, what a combination!
4. Vanessa O'Loughlin - Aka Sam Blake. A font of useful information, and a great friend...
5. Trish Wylie - Without whom I wouldn't be blogging!
6. Lacey Devlin - Chocolate addict with a beaver suit.
7. Kristi Thompson - For the internet's first blog-com. Part blog, part sitcom.

And for new Kreative fellow bloggers, these are the rules:


1- Thank the person who awarded you
2- Copy the logo and paste it on your blog
3- Link to the person who nominated you for the award
4- Name (up to 7) things about yourself that people might find interesting
5- Nominate (up to 7) other Kreativ Bloggers
6- Post links to the blogs you nominate
7- Leave a comment on each of the blogs to let them know they’ve been nominated

Getting it wrong - and making it better

Well, I'm still revising. And seeing things that I really wasn't aware of and making them better. What I'm concentrating on at the moment is story, and the way that I've managed to tangle everything.
As an example, I have done the following:
Had a situation where the h & h need to get urgent help from the police...and are dirty, cut, and hungry.
Which of these problems should they sort out first and in what order?
Needless to say, I got it wrong. They had showers, ate a casserole, then called the police. I started 'widening my eyes in disbelief' as I read it. Can't they multitask?

How could they function, without dealing with the most stressful item first? How could they have thoughts in the shower about anything else than the most pressing question, and how could they sit and talk, without dealing with it? It read wong. Their emotions didn't make sense.
Anyway, after frantic rewriting, they called the police, washed and dealt with their medical issues, then ate something. This meant that rather than being clean and full and still stressing about bringing in the big guns, they were able to stop flip-flopping about emotionally and sit down at the table knowing they'd done what needed to be done to continue the story. The emotions read clearer, better, and the connection between them is more real and honest.
Five chapters in now, and continuing to tell their story, rather than barrel along the plot. I'm hoping I've got it right, but am worried because when I sent this story out I was confident, and couldn't see the tangle as I'm seeing it now.
Read, revise, polish and re-read. That's my motto this month.
Then re-read again before sending them out into the fray again. No crossed fingers, no superstitions, just solid application to the craft of writing, and hopefully this time, success.

Jude and Tempest - The pics

Here are the pictures that inspired me while writing Bound To Love. First Jude, based on this picture of Carter Oosterhouse (only with dark, emerald green eyes).

Then Tempest, inspired by this pic of Amy Adams..

Knuckling down to REVISIONS

Well, at least I've started. I've had a bit of time and distance from Bound to Love, but it was time to get back into it and thrash it into shape. I started by re-reading the thing, and on the whole I like it. But there are problems. Somehow the author has made very simple situations unbearably complicated, and revisions involve unwrapping the spagetti tangle and smoothing it all out. Silly author!
Chapter one was easy enough. Just a tweak here and there, some more descriptions of Tempest and Jude and their reactions to each other.
Chapter two was another kettle of fish. Lots of what I had there just didn't work. I took my editor's advice and rewrote the entire thing from Jude's point of view, and am amazed at the change. He's gone from stoic to alpha, from quiet to dangerous. He's sending little shivers up my spine, and Tempest is seeing him in a completely new light.
I'm going with the flow, starting into chapter three and hoping that he knows what he's doing. I'll keep you posted!

Things that I noticed about the Modern Heat winner's first chapter

Well now the dust has settled on the Modern and Modern Heat competition, I have a few things that I noticed about Gill/Jilly's winning chapter that I found very interesting. Firstly, I'd like to congratulate Jilly on a great winning chapter, the characters are gripping and I definitely wanted to read more. Bravo!
The chapter opened with the heroine (Felicity) in the middle of a kiss-a-thon. She kisses one man, then is faced with another, who she thinks is 'pretty damned hot' who rips off his shirt, and kneels before her. She kisses him.
I've spent so much time analysing what I thought Modern Heat needed, and somewhere picked up that the first man to appear in the book should be 'him'. I've even culled earlier appearances of secondary characters because of it. In 'The Boss's Intimate Takeover' the hero (Ross) doesn't appear until 'man 3' and this doesn't take from the story at all.
Later in the chapter Felicity spends time with her 4 best friends. The bond between them is livened up with dialog, and their characters are well defined. Once again, this is an element that I would be nervous of introducing, having been told that the focus must be on the main two.
The editors said there were some main elements they loved about the story:

Gill has a cool, sassy, natural voice that leaped out at us immediately.



The hero and heroine were likable, intriguing, well motivated and had real layers and depth to them.


The sexual tension between the couple was absolutely sizzling!


Emotional conflict is woven in subtly but convincingly to ensure that we have a good sense of what will be keeping these two apart.


There is some great dialogue with a good helping of wittiness that had us laughing out loud at times!
 
To me, Jilly's win was well deserved, she has an excellent voice that I'm looking forward to reading more of. What I've learnt from the competition? That sometimes its right to go with your heart and write the story that's there, rather than limiting your options by thinking 'that's not right for Modern Heat.' Modern Heat is a young line, with more flexibility than Modern, and a line I'm pleased to see is continuing to evolve.

Onwards and upwards

I'm lurking in the no man's land between Christmas and New Year. The time when Christmas is fading into memory, and the family have left, and yet the New Year resolutions have yet to be set in stone. Its a funny time, full of random memories, not all of them pleasant, and lingering regrets. My blue period.
2009 was a good year, writing wise, and in 2010 I intend to focus even more keenly on my writing, and get stuff done.
Here's whats on my to do list for the New Year.

To complete revisions of Bound to Love for an interested publisher, and this time really make them rock so much that they 'win' publication. That's January sorted then and probably half of February.

To finalise book proposal for a factual book I'm working on.

To rewrite and edit my 2009 Nano book, Posthumous, and send it out to a few agents and publishers.

To start my new romance, 'Marrying Cade.' And to submit the partial to Mills and Boon.

And on stuff already out there........
I've got my 'beaming positive thoughts' hat, and I'll be putting it to good use in 2010.

To hear back from the agent who's reading Undercurrents. This is sort of out of my control, but I'm sending positive thoughts out there and willing good news.

To hear back from Mills and Boon on the partial of Catch me a Catch, also out of my control somewhat, but on with the 'beaming positive thoughts' helmet and sending it out there.

My To Do list is now out of my head and on my blog. Now all I have to do is to follow it!

Happy New Year everyone...